This is a subject I know something about … Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful. They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to believe that they could feel pain?

Rep. Michael Burgess (R-TX), arguing for a ban on abortion 20 weeks after conception because fetuses masturbate. (Which they do! But not at 15 weeks.)

An abortion ban to protect masturbation: somewhere, Rick Santorum’s head just exploded.

When one hears the word meditation, it conjures an image of Maharishi Yoga talking about finding a mantra and striving for nirvana….The purpose of such meditation is to empty oneself…[Satan] is happy to invade the empty vacuum of your soul and possess it. That is why people serve Satan without ever knowing it or deciding to, but no one can be a child of God without making a decision to surrender to him. Beware of systems of spirituality which tell you to empty yourself. You will end up filled with something you probably do not want.

 E. W. Jackson, the Republican nominee for lieutenant governor of Virginia, on the dangers of yoga and meditation.

Always knew those people at Lululemon were part of a satanic cult.

The young folks coming in to each of your services are anywhere from 17 to 22 or 23, gee-whiz, the hormone level created by nature sets in place the possibility for these types of things to occur. So, we’ve got to be very careful on our side.

Sen. Saxby Chambliss, during today’s hearing on sexual assault in the military.

Gee-whiz, according to Old Republican Dude Science, hormones were responsible for shutting the whole pregnancy thing down when women were raped. Now you’re saying hormones are responsible for rape? It’s too much “science” to absorb!

I’m so used to liberals telling conservatives that they’re anti-science. But liberals who defend this and say it is not a bad thing are very anti-science. When you look at biology, when you look at the natural world, the roles of a male and a female in society and in other animals, the male typically is the dominant role. The female, it’s not antithesis, or it’s not competing, it’s a complimentary role.

Fox News’ Erick Erickson, on a Pew report that women are increasingly the primary earners in their families.

Great Moments in Women’s History, with Erick Erickson

  • First up: Marie Curie. You may know her as the first person to win Nobel prizes in two different fields, but did you know she was only using polonium to get the stains out of her hubby’s shirts?
  • In June 1963, Valentina Tereshkova became the first women to fly in space, where she wouldn’t disturb her husband’s real work.
  • Hillary Clinton was the second woman to serve as Secretary of State. Her trips around the world yielded literally hundreds of new recipes she could prepare for Bill.

Join Mr. Erickson next time for the complimentary life stories of a few more ladies, because science!

When we have a queen who is a lesbian and she marries another lady and then decides she would like to have a child and someone donates sperm and she gives birth to a child, is that child heir to the throne?

Former Conservative Party chairman/disgruntled old person Norman Tebbit, speaking in opposition to the British marriage equality bill.

Artificially inseminated lesbian queen. Band name. Called it.

Known weirdo Rep. Steve King (R-IA) won’t be making a run for the Senate next year. We think. It’s not easy to tell from his statement, written entirely in Kinglish:

My analytical part, the head, tells me the race is winnable and must be won in 2014 or a generational opportunity could be lost. I have said a race for the Senate is “a slight up hill battle”. It is, but it’s “no hill for a climber”.

King should demand that immigrants take an English exam based on his own statements. No one would ever pass this exam, which would suit him just fine:

This week, I made a simple device to put toothpaste back in the tube. But a device to put the Leftist genie back in the bottle is not so simple. The best tool we have now is the majority in the U.S. House which functions mostly to keep the Leftist genie in the bottle. 

A genie ate toothpaste while climbing the hill that’s no hill for a climber and that’s why Steve King is staying in the House. Got it.
Photo by Bill Clark/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

Known weirdo Rep. Steve King (R-IA) won’t be making a run for the Senate next year. We think. It’s not easy to tell from his statement, written entirely in Kinglish:

My analytical part, the head, tells me the race is winnable and must be won in 2014 or a generational opportunity could be lost. I have said a race for the Senate is “a slight up hill battle”. It is, but it’s “no hill for a climber”.

King should demand that immigrants take an English exam based on his own statements. No one would ever pass this exam, which would suit him just fine:

This week, I made a simple device to put toothpaste back in the tube. But a device to put the Leftist genie back in the bottle is not so simple. The best tool we have now is the majority in the U.S. House which functions mostly to keep the Leftist genie in the bottle. 

A genie ate toothpaste while climbing the hill that’s no hill for a climber and that’s why Steve King is staying in the House. Got it.

Photo by Bill Clark/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

When the White House conducted their armed drone strikes in north Africa, particularly in eastern Libya prior to the attack on our mission in Benghazi on 9-1-1 last year, did the White House notify the State Department of the armed drone strikes before they were made?
Rep. Michele Bachmann, asking CIA Director John Brennan an impossible question to answer, much like the question, “What is Michele Bachmann doing on the House Intelligence Committee?”
The GOP’s BuzzFeed-y website is OK, could be moar better

Forget winning the day. The National Republican Congressional Committee has a plan to win the internet. 

Yes, the folks who once thought “viral content” was something to be spread by closing public health clinics have just revamped their website by ripping off BuzzFeed. You got your listicles, your animals, your nostalgia for the ’90s—mostly the 1890s, but still.

There’s also room for improvement. Take these recent (actual) NRCC headlines:

image

Better post: Grumpy Cat is unimpressed with Barack Obama playing basketball  

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Better post: 11 Animals Who LOVE Oil Spills

Read More

Somebody didn’t get the memo about the newly rebranded, fuzzier, less openly-hostile-to-minorities GOP.
Representative Don Young (R-AK) dropped some old-fashioned casual racism while talking to reporters in Alaska about economic development: "My father had a ranch; we used to have 50-60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes," he said. "It takes two people to pick the same tomatoes now. It’s all done by machine."
At least he came out with an apology, though not one that included the words “sorry” or “I apologize.” He did seem pretty upset that old codgers aren’t allowed to use old-timey slurs anymore: "I used a term that was commonly used during my days growing up on a farm in central California. I know that this term is not used in the same way nowadays and I meant no disrespect."
Rep. Young does not sound very bright, no disrespect.
Photo by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

Somebody didn’t get the memo about the newly rebranded, fuzzier, less openly-hostile-to-minorities GOP.

Representative Don Young (R-AK) dropped some old-fashioned casual racism while talking to reporters in Alaska about economic development: "My father had a ranch; we used to have 50-60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes," he said. "It takes two people to pick the same tomatoes now. It’s all done by machine."

At least he came out with an apology, though not one that included the words “sorry” or “I apologize.” He did seem pretty upset that old codgers aren’t allowed to use old-timey slurs anymore"I used a term that was commonly used during my days growing up on a farm in central California. I know that this term is not used in the same way nowadays and I meant no disrespect."

Rep. Young does not sound very bright, no disrespect.

Photo by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyagers of the Starship Enterprise Y. Its never-ending mission is to seek out new tax forms. To explore strange new regulations. To boldly go where no government employee has gone before.

The IRS spent $60,000 to create this Stark Trek spoof for its employees. 

It is even worse than the time some creepy dude sent you a video of himself speaking Klingon. It is still better than Star Trek: Voyager.