Did someone wire their jaws shut and not tell anybody?
Michelle Obama is enlisting children and their parents in her war on obesity! No, John McCain, this doesn’t mean we get to bomb fat kids.
It does mean that the First Lady wants Americans to submit an original healthy recipe to her Healthy Lunchtime Challenge.
Our entry, even though we are neither children aged 8 to 12 nor their parents or guardians: Cold Benghazi Soup.
Step 1: Put 3 tablespoons of extra-virgin-abstinence-educated olive oil into a pot over medium heat.
Step 2: Once the oil is warm, drop in a diced onion, a diced potato and a Benghazi. What’s a Benghazi? No one really knows, but conservative children will not even look at their food if this ingredient is missing.
Step 3: Let the onion get as soft as Congress’s poll numbers. Now add any vegetables you want. Stir occasionally—don’t let the veggies get so brown that they’ll need an ID to vote.
Step 4: Cool, then puree. Garnish with crispy Constitution flakes.
Step 5: Pour into mouth.
Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images
The FBI is investigating Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell’s relationship with a campaign donor who paid $15,000 for the catering at McDonnell’s daughter’s wedding, because COME ON, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Lucky for you—if not for Gov. McDonnell—we dug up details on the wedding menu. Here’s what guests ate, and how that money was spent:
Fresh poached jumbo Virginia shrimp. Each shrimp was paid extra to vote Republican.
Bruschetta with Virginia tomatoes. The tomatoes were perfectly ripe. Also, instead of bread, they were served on stacks of $100 bills.
Sesame-crusted chicken satay. Each sesame seed was carved in the shape of Bob McDonnell’s face.
Grilled London Broil with fresh horseradish. ”Fresh horseradish” is common Virginia slang for “a contribution to Bob McDonnell’s re-election fund.”
Herb- and goat cheese-stuffed free-range chicken breast with Virginia tomato sauce. Genetically engineering a cheese-filled chicken breast that can walk around an open field? Not cheap.
A look at the Natick, Mass., facility where the Army makes its tube food. Key lime pie in a tube. Meat mush in a tube.
We call this one “Ron Paul with Sad Meat.”