In today’s episode of Newt Gingrich’s Big Ideas, our favorite space visionary/white-haired hippopotamus shares these deep thoughts while holding up a smartphone:
1. What you simpletons “probably think is a cell phone” is not a cell phone.
2. “If it’s taking pictures, it’s not a cell phone.”
3. “If you can get Wikipedia or go to Google, that’s not a cell phone.”
4. We need a new name to describe this miraculous device that lets us listen to Newt Gingrich’s ideas on Youtube.
Next, Newt wants your help thinking up a name for the long stretch of metal and concrete that lets people drive over water.
Larry Flynt has endorsed former governor/trail hiker Mark Sanford in South Carolina’s Congressional race, saying that “No one has done more to expose the sexual hypocrisy of traditional values in America today.”
Shocking!
It seems Larry Flynt has never heard of Newt Gingrich.
We almost had what Newt Gingrich would’ve called a “profoundly, fundamentally trans-formative moment” in the 2012 campaign.
According to Businessweek, Gingrich and Rick Santorum nearly agreed to form a “Unity Ticket” in a last ditch effort to win the GOP nomination from Mitt Romney. There was just one problem with a joint ticket between a candidate who loved family values and the candidate who just loved having lots of families:
…the negotiations collapsed in acrimony because Gingrich and Santorum could not agree on who would get to be president.
Easy answer: neither. Neither of you gets to be president.
Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images/Getty Images News
No, he’s not counting off the reasons he dropped out. He doesn’t have enough fingers for that.
“Your $500 check has bounced; you can’t be on the ballot,” the Utah elections director tells me. He is coy, playful. “Come on,” I tease, bending over to reveal just a hint of my ample breasts. “Can’t we work something out?” He ponders a moment. “No.”
