An abortion ban to protect masturbation: somewhere, Rick Santorum’s head just exploded.
Always knew those people at Lululemon were part of a satanic cult.
Gee-whiz, according to Old Republican Dude Science, hormones were responsible for shutting the whole pregnancy thing down when women were raped. Now you’re saying hormones are responsible for rape? It’s too much “science” to absorb!
Great Moments in Women’s History, with Erick Erickson
Join Mr. Erickson next time for the complimentary life stories of a few more ladies, because science!
Artificially inseminated lesbian queen. Band name. Called it.
Known weirdo Rep. Steve King (R-IA) won’t be making a run for the Senate next year. We think. It’s not easy to tell from his statement, written entirely in Kinglish:
My analytical part, the head, tells me the race is winnable and must be won in 2014 or a generational opportunity could be lost. I have said a race for the Senate is “a slight up hill battle”. It is, but it’s “no hill for a climber”.
King should demand that immigrants take an English exam based on his own statements. No one would ever pass this exam, which would suit him just fine:
This week, I made a simple device to put toothpaste back in the tube. But a device to put the Leftist genie back in the bottle is not so simple. The best tool we have now is the majority in the U.S. House which functions mostly to keep the Leftist genie in the bottle.
A genie ate toothpaste while climbing the hill that’s no hill for a climber and that’s why Steve King is staying in the House. Got it.
Photo by Bill Clark/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images
|—||Rep. Michele Bachmann, asking CIA Director John Brennan an impossible question to answer, much like the question, “What is Michele Bachmann doing on the House Intelligence Committee?”|
Forget winning the day. The National Republican Congressional Committee has a plan to win the internet.
Yes, the folks who once thought “viral content” was something to be spread by closing public health clinics have just revamped their website by ripping off BuzzFeed. You got your listicles, your animals, your nostalgia for the ’90s—mostly the 1890s, but still.
There’s also room for improvement. Take these recent (actual) NRCC headlines:
Better post: Grumpy Cat is unimpressed with Barack Obama playing basketball
Better post: 11 Animals Who LOVE Oil Spills
Somebody didn’t get the memo about the newly rebranded, fuzzier, less openly-hostile-to-minorities GOP.
Representative Don Young (R-AK) dropped some old-fashioned casual racism while talking to reporters in Alaska about economic development: "My father had a ranch; we used to have 50-60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes," he said. "It takes two people to pick the same tomatoes now. It’s all done by machine."
At least he came out with an apology, though not one that included the words “sorry” or “I apologize.” He did seem pretty upset that old codgers aren’t allowed to use old-timey slurs anymore: "I used a term that was commonly used during my days growing up on a farm in central California. I know that this term is not used in the same way nowadays and I meant no disrespect."
Rep. Young does not sound very bright, no disrespect.
Photo by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images
Space: the final frontier. These are the voyagers of the Starship Enterprise Y. Its never-ending mission is to seek out new tax forms. To explore strange new regulations. To boldly go where no government employee has gone before.
The IRS spent $60,000 to create this Stark Trek spoof for its employees.
It is even worse than the time some creepy dude sent you a video of himself speaking Klingon. It is still better than Star Trek: Voyager.